Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Inner Beauty.

Graycen is beautiful. i realized she had a really beautiful face when she was about three minutes old. this face has stopped traffic, made people weep, had grown men fumble for words, had people in hysterical laughter, made people blush... yes i am still talking about my two year old. she has a really amazing face. she is my favorite subject to photograph, as she can transform a normal child activity into something that will cause me to cry. she has an ability far beyond herself, and it comes natural. between jonathan and myself, our goal is that graycen realize her outer beauty much later in life, and that her inner beauty get her the most attention. but that is where graycen is a gem. she is such a little light in this dark world. she has such empathy that we did not have to teach her. she has a calm spirit about her. she will change this world one day. she has already changed ours. today she went in my closet and tore down all the clothes she wanted to wear. i was laughing out loud as i was helping her get dressed in my size large french connection tanks, and my size 9 shoes. she was fumbling around our bedroom laughing at herself saying, "i wanna wear that next, i wanna wear this next!" she was so excited to be in these clothes of mine! i could cry right now thinking about it. what was going through her head?? i wish i knew. see, graycen and i are stuck home all day because last night i washed the outside of her car seat and this morning could not get the thing back on. duh. i know. but anywho, we are home. i went through all my summer stuff and made room in my closet for much more suited clothes for the fall. i have been going 100 miles an hour all day and just put graycen down for a nap. i need some rest, and well, of course, she needs her beauty sleep.

Monday, September 29, 2008

snips, and snails, and puppy dog tails.

There are days when i feel guilty. I will get a call from jonathan where he is having a really hard, long, loud, crazy day. and i feel bad. bad because, well i just can't say the same about my day. not all my days run like fluid, but being blessed with a daughter like graycen, it's more often then not, when they do. today i feel guilty. but extremely loved. some days graycen and i seem so unbelievably compatible that it can only come from God. it is one of THOSE days. we are just sort of staring at each other today. gazing. loving. kissing. holding. besides my other infatuated kind of love for jonathan, this is the most i have ever felt for someone. i think to myself, that i could never leave the house again. that having felt what i feel today for her, that there is no where else to go with it. i have reached the top of human emotion. it's expanded so wide, i could burst. this is a day where it annoys me to put her down for a nap, because i will miss out on her. i am so blessed to have these days. she is such a gift to us. on top of God deciding that i would be the most equipped to raise graycen, He has also given me the most amazing man to help me with it. there isn't a soul on earth who would understand how i love her, except jonathan, and that is only because he loves her the same. today, i am thankful, in love, and head over heels. 

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Weekend Update.

Halloween is all around us... and well so is Thanksgiving, and Christmas for that matter. the holidays are bleeding into one another like never before, and it is my goal to take them on one at a time. i want graycen to have a grasp of what, when, and why, rather that happy hallothanksmas. so i went in the basement saturday morning and pulled out my three boxes of Halloween decorations. i opened them one at a time and couldn't believe the collection i have started of gouls, ghost, and goblins, done kiddy style. see, i only really like halloween when the decorations and costumes look like a cartoon. anything beyond that scares me, and would scare gray. not good. but the rest i welcome with open arms... and i have. it was so fun putting all of this stuff out with gray and jonathan this year. she was SO into it. which made me want to go buy even more and keep that feeling going, but then i remembered i have two more holidays to decorate for, and that calmed me down. saturday night we went to a friend's house for their daughter's birthday party, which was non halloween themed. graycen was shocked since she thought all day it was halloween and that is why we were putting all this stuff out. i think she was relieved to see balloons, a bouncy house, and cupcakes. but i was not about to end it there.... sunday we took graycen to see Igor. i love taking her to the movies. i love, love, love it. she gets so calm, and then when she does want to wiggle, she wants to do it all snuggly, in my lap. jonathan and i laughed out loud, and graycen whispered an occasional, "i scared." but with us beside her, she did great! what a great day, when adulthood, and childhood can combine. even if it's only for 90 min. all in all, it was a great kickoff to the holiday season. there is no looking back now until january, and i'd be lying if i didn't say i wasn't equally as excited as gray. 

Friday, September 26, 2008

The 80 Year Old Socialite.

Well, the day has finally come. the one where i am passing up all the eco-friendly, wooden, one of a kind, classic, trendy toys i normally surround gray with, and instead am now replacing them with the cheap, plastic, breakable, toxic, made in china, recalled stuff. the stuff she actually REALLY likes. so yesterday i bought her two things. one called "pretty princess", and the other an ariel doll. both toys sent her over the moon. she has yet to return. she was dripping in fake jewels and stuff i couldn't keep up with, it was breaking so fast. every time she moved i would see glitter just coming off of her. man, this stuff is cheap. but when she put it on, she felt like a million bucks. and that is why i will continue to buy her stuff like this. okay, so the other toy i bought her was an ariel doll. wow, does she love ariel. ariel this, and ariel that. her vitamins are in the shape of ARIEL! she loves the movies, loves anything that looks like ariel, and will eat calamari because we tell her it is mermaid food. so yesterday, graycen came running up to me, with a real urgent tone in her voice saying over and over, "mommy, mommy, i need you, i need you!" i said back, "what, what, gray what is it??" "mommy, i want to be...." (just like me, aww she is about to say, just like her momma. all that i do for her, she wants to be just like me!)... ARIEL! wait, what? omg, "graycen, did you just say, you want to be Ariel?" that is exactly what she said. and well, i love her for it. in her mind, she sees that shiny red hair, and mermaid fin as all she would need to get by in this world. plus, a few moments later she told me that ariel has beautiful boobies, just like me. in her eyes, maybe ariel and i aren't all that different. we both make her day.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Family Photo. Well, an attempt.

Last night we gathered the family, (hudson included) for something i was really desperate for. a picture with all of us in it. we tried. oh we tried. with a handful of dog biscuits i enticed hudson to come sit close to me, and i told gray that if she sat still i would promise her a fruit snack. at this stage in her life, she would do anything for a fruit snack. and jonathan, well, i had to promise him that he could pick where we we would go to eat. we were already dressed to go out, so why not. everyone complied. so there goes the tripod. and the dog. and gray. wait, why isn't anyone sitting still???? okay, gray, you get two fuit snacks, and hudson, let me go get more treats since you already tackled me for the ones i was holding so tightly in my hand. okay, camera is ready. everyone come back. they are back. flash goes off, once, twice, a hundred more times. and well..... this is what we got.... a great, not so great family photo of the four of us. 

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Summer's out. popsicles are still in.

Zora Dora. how i wish i had found you at the beginning of the summer. we had the honor today, gray and i, to go and have a wonderful party for our palate. i was dragging this morning. meaning, i only redecorated one whole room of our house, did one load of laundry, made graycen breakfast from scratch, talked to my mom, sister, jonathan, and did puzzles with gray. let's not forget the brisk run around the yard with hudson. like i said, i was dragging. those who know me, understand that i can not sit still. what is that word?? oh yes, rest. i can't do that. so, anyway... i finally found the motivation to get graycen dressed, and throw my hair on top of my head (looking horrible today, i might add) and head out the door. it's one of those days. just perfect. so we headed to beacon. agh... sigh... i heart beacon:) i've never had a bad day there and it's always a sure hit with gray. so we stopped at the deli, split a sandwich out by the street and then headed over to Zora Dora. i walked in and knew right away that i needed this place in my life. no bells, no whistles... just pure home made popsicles. yum. graycen enjoyed every lick of her vanilla beet, while i feasted on a pb + j + milk + choc. chips. this is why diets never worked for me. i live for stuff like this. the moral of this blog is... please, if you can get there. do it... for yourself, for your children. it will broaden their world and their taste buds, all while never knowing it. mean while you know you could win mother of the year over stuff like this. heehee gray, you ate beets today.

why didn't i start this a long time ago.

Well, it would be impossible for me to start from the beginning, and chances are, if you are reading this, that over the past two years i have more than caught you up on my obsession....which is graycen. yes, i am overly indulgent, overly loving, sometimes obsessive, always easily giving in, always quick to lend excuses, and i think the sun rises and sets with our beautiful little lovely lady... graycen weeden. so i am going to jump right in and start writing about today. well yesterday, well monday. wait, what day is it?? yes, monday. graycen is in school, has been for four weeks now. wow, four weeks. it was a long weekend for jonathan, gray, and i. we all caught a bug, and at the center of it all, was momma, (me) keeping it all together. snotty tissues in every corner of our house, and countless numbers of disney tissue boxes which stop n' shop is now sold out of. thanks gray! well, anyway, we beat it and now, (wed.) are feeling like ourselves again. i put graycen in school monday after having kept her out last friday. which put us back into (in her mind) our "old" routine. the one where in her world just graycen and mommy exist. well come monday it was shrieks of tears, and "mommy don't leave me", and my heart, and sore throat dropped to the floor, yet again. graycen, aren't you done torturing me? yes. yes. she is done. because just 24 hours later, yesterday, she walked her little self confidant self in school, turned and looked at me and said, "see ya later mommy." i knew this day would come. i knew it. i am not sure how i feel about it. yes i do. it hurt. more than tears, more than her screaming for me as i had left her for the prior 3 weeks. this hurt the most. my little girl would be fine without me. 
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