Friday, January 2, 2009

Double the Blessing.

 First off, i would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has been praying for our family. these last few weeks have proved to be some of the most difficult times i have ever faced in my life. for those of you who do not know about the pregnancy i had with graycen, i had severe hyperemesis. at the time that i was experiencing this, i knew little about it. it's a condition that some women go through when they get pregnant. it is a state of dehydration that your body enters around 5 weeks pregnant and can last anywhere to 16 weeks or to full term. i had it for 4 months with graycen. at the time i thought i was dying. it was so traumatic that doctors told me i had post traumatic stress disorder after going though it. when i first laid eyes on graycen i knew why i had gone through what i had. it was to make this perfect little being, and i would have done it all over again for her.
  for the last year jonathan and i have been talking about wanting another baby. we have gone back and forth with the idea because we weren't sure i could go through another pregnancy like that, and this time take care of a toddler. it seemed out of reach. we discussed adoption, even looking into it 2 different times. but the desire in my heart to give birth to another baby, to share another life with jonathan, just wouldn't go away. so we began to pray. we entered a serious prayer mode at the beginning of the summer, completely handing it all over to God, and knowing that whatever happens, that it is all part of HIS perfect plan.  
 we are pregnant! we found out in november. what great news! i was mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally ready for this. i knew that whatever happened that i am in God's hands. ... and then... i start getting sick. it's like hitting a wall. in about 48 hours, everything i thought , we thought we had prepared for was pulled out from underneath us. i was losing myself. i am pregnant, scared, sick, and don't know what to expect. i dig deep into my faith, and i beg the Lord to carry me. i can not do this alone. by two saturdays later, i go to the E.R. with jonathan, saying good bye to graycen, leaving her in the care of my dad. i am ready to break. physically my body has never felt worse. at this time i didn't know what i was about to enter. i was so severally dehydrated that they had to catheterize me, and irrigate my bladder to get a urine sample. they immediately started me on i.v. fluid and ordered an ultra sound for me. jonathan was grasping my hand and everything around me was moving at 100 miles an hour. at this point i am begging God to put me out of my misery. little did i know that i was just at the beginning. the ultra sound reveals we are having twins. this doesn't even register. i just remember looking over at jonathan and him smiling from ear to ear, and tears streaming down his face. after hours at the E.R. they let me go home. i was home for 1 day when they admit me into the hospital. my mom has flown in from florida to take care of graycen and myself. my in-laws are helping out with everything. graycen came home from school one day and i was gone. this haunts her for the next week. while i was in the hospital, they put a PICC line in my arm. this is there to give me fluid and nutrition. i have never felt so weak in my life and i am convinced i am not going to make it through this. i had a team of dr.s working on me around the clock. we need to save these babies, and myself. they tell me i am such high risk, that if this continues i will lose my hair, eyesight, and possibly go into cardiac arrest. that saturday, jonathan came to the hospital and we had to discuss terminating this pregnancy. i had hit rock bottom, and was losing my mind. i prayed and prayed and prayed. i hadn't had a thing to eat in two weeks, i was losing lbs. a day, and i am pregnant with twins. i couldn't believe this is happening. i missed my family, it's the holidays, and i haven't hugged graycen in a week. 
 it is by the grace of God, that they allowed me to to go home for christmas. i have a home nurse that comes and i am on I.V. fluids around the clock.  i am still very weak, and vomiting. but my spirits are lifted. i am home with graycen. my mom is here doing everything to help me. i am finally feeling well enough to write this. even that is a miracle. i imagine that through all of this that God's plan was to bless us twice so that i would never have to go through anything like this again. How amazing that we are going to have two babies, that graycen is going to be a big sister twice! and that in my darkest times God is shedding His light all over us. i will be doing my best to update everyone when i can. Your prayers are working!!! we love you all, and are so very blessed.

Philippines 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
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