Friday, February 5, 2010

Yet another goodbye.

The boys have had enough. me on the other hand, well i am having a very difficult time. i've known all week that this was coming. actually i've been talking about it for a month now. how hard it was getting to breastfeed them. the bigger they were getting the more complicated it got. really i don't blame them at all. but they are over it. they turned away from me last night at bed time. i lost it. i sat there on my bed. breast pillow, dune, lars and tears were dropping all over them. i cried for the next hour. they had bottles and fell right asleep. i sat downstairs so sad and thinking. for the last month they have been falling off the breast pillow, and bunking heads as they ate. dune had started becoming so distracted and would never stay latched on. lars had started biting me. it's not the first time i cried during a feeding, either. i felt for weeks now that i might not be able to keep doing it. well, last night the boys gave me my answer. this morning they nursed at 4 a.m. perfectly. at 7 a.m. when they were up for the day they wanted nothing to do with it. again, turning away from me. biting me. and totally distracted. i am going to keep trying through out the day but i have a feeling that this part of my journey with the boys is coming to an end. i am thankful though, that i was able to nurse at all. i mean, i breastfed twins!!! and when i look back on my achievements in my life, this will certainly rank high.
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