Saturday, May 15, 2010

I Might Lose My Hair...

but i will NOT lose my faith.

I feel very sad to let you know that this week i got news that i have cancer. i had been feeling a bit off for about two months and went to the dr. and they found a tumor and found that it is in fact cancer. the cancer has spread and they do not know how bad just yet, but yesterday i went for my PT scan so will know what stage i am in by monday. by tuesday i will be starting treatment. i will be doing radiation and chemotherapy at the same time, everyday, 5 days a week, for 6 weeks. at the end of the 6 weeks they will look again to see if the cancer has gone away. if it hasn't by that time, it will be reevaluated and i will know then what the next step of action will be. for now my mom has moved in with us and will be taking care of graycen, dune, and lars. my mother in law will also be helping out full time, as i have been explained to that treatment is very difficult and will take over my body with a "bone weary" fatigue. i will feel like this for months so i am thankful to say that i have amazing people surrounding me offering up help in any way. i will be getting graycen into therapy so she can talk to someone through this process and someone professional can help her through it. the boys luckily will be too young to notice too much. this news has saddened our entire family. i have heard before that when one person in the family gets cancer, everyone in the family gets cancer. i see now that this is absolutely the truth. i've been crying almost continuously over this, not just for myself, but for my dear jonathan who looks at me and feels completely helpless... who can't imagine a life without me. i am aching for him. i am crying for my children that their mother has to now fight for her life, to be here with them.

i don't know why this has happened to me. when they told me they found something, i went home and prayed for God's will. that whatever that may be, that i just wanted to trust that this is all part of His plan. it's not my life anyway... it's His. and because of that, i have complete faith that i will be carried through this.

the more i know, the more i will let you know. for now i just ask that you please pray for me and my family. i DO believe that prayer is Powerful.
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