Thursday, September 30, 2010

Burned out.

 i am feeling burned out. i feel like i could use a year vacation in a remote location all to myself to get a smidgen of strength back that i have recently lost  due to uncontrollable situations. florida is helping but posing new challenges... like the repetition of cleaning, cooking, entertaining, bathing, did i mention cleaning, feeding, and putting to bed three little lives who are looking to me and at me for all of the support they need. while i understand the bigger picture of why jonathan is in new york and why i am here, it doesn't eliminate the fatigue i battle with constantly. i'd like a cabana boy and a drink and it's only 10 a.m. this morning i had to go in my room and close the door for a moment because i thought i might fall over. the bending down and picking up motion is almost enough to do me in permanently. but the show must go on folks. cancer, twins, 4 year old, rain, sun, season to season. but not to be all gloomy... there are massive works, blessings unreal that i am witness to everyday in my own life. some are BIG and some are small. the pictures up top are filed somewhere in the middle. for that, i am thankful. and while it isn't a miracle that my kids can make me laugh, it is a miracle that in the middle of the storm, God has thrown me a life jacket in the form of Graycen, Dune, and Lars.

Like- jonathan coming tomorrow for the weekend.

dislike- appointments with doctors who have to tell me the brutal truth about the statistics of the cancer returning. blah.
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