Thursday, April 28, 2011

Gran.

my grandmother at my sister's wedding




i had to say goodbye. i had to do it. so i did. i didn't want to. but i needed to. so i did.




the threat of death came dancing into my own life less than a year ago. this is not the first time it's tried to sneak up behind me. the threat comes with a name. it's called Cancer. Cancer, i've known you. i've met you. you wouldn't leave me alone. you left bad tastes, and you tried robbing me. you tried. i fought. i'm winning. i've also learned that it attacks others. in fact it won't leave anyone alone. i saw you. you tried to disguise yourself back in november when my grandmother first started feeling sick. it wasn't enough, so you multiplied. you divided to conquer. you took another life. 


my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last week. on Easter Sunday she passed away, her last breath here, her first breath with Christ. this i know is true. i am comforted greatly by her love and devotion to God. 


i will miss her. i will look forward to dancing for Jesus, beside her one day.


but there is something else. i am angry. i am so angry. this is a personal attack on my family. it needs to stop. "Cancer, and cancer, and cancer... this is important. one never meets just cancer... one only meets each hour or moment that comes. all manners of ups and downs. many bad spots in our best times, many good ones in our worst. one never gets the total impact of what we call 'the thing itself'. But, we call it wrongly." - C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed. 


"Cancer is a leading cause of death worldwide, and deaths are projected to increase by 45% by 2030."- World Health Organization.


cancer has just spit in my face. i'm ready to fight back. again. bigger, louder, stronger. it's great that we do these walks and wear t-shirts, and slap bumper stickers on our cars, but there is something else going on here. i urge you to educate yourself. i bet there in not a person reading this that does not know someone who is a cancer survivor. and by survivor, i mean diagnosed. remember the moment you are diagnosed you become a survivor! do something! eat better! too much protein, too much fat, too much sugar, too much salt, too much caffeine, too many chemicals, too many refined foods, too many cooked foods! stop it. the groceries i buy my kids isn't their diet, it's their medicine! enough already. do something, do anything! it may not be the answer but it is a good start. 


gran, i will miss you. you were eccentric, and artistic, you loved the Lord, you were a devoted wife and mother. you were an involved grandmother. you were an available great grandmother. you danced, you sang, you painted. if those were your gifts on earth, i can only imagine how you are  praising God to His face. 


i will be doing everything for the entire length of the rest of my life to know more than i knew the day before. that education, progression, and prevention are key. that when i know better, i can promise you gran, i will do better. 


and i will also know, that if cancer comes back again, that i will be able to say i did everything i knew to do, with you and every other cancer survivor in mind. 


i love you.

and to my amazing family, Revelation 21:4  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.

 
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