Sunday, May 15, 2011

One Year Ago...

one year ago i was diagnosed with cancer. i had a four year old and two 10 month old twins boys at home that were waiting for me to get back from the doctor's appointment. i thought to myself, if the cancer did not kill me, that i might die from my broken heart. a year later i have a five year old and two 21 month old twin boys. i've been there for every smile, every laugh, every tear, every milestone, for the really great times, and the really hard times. a year later i am cancer free, but perhaps more importantly my heart is healing. today we woke up and graycen isn't feeling well, and the boys keep crying and fighting. maybe this would normally be a hard day, but instead i am so pleased with this. i am so blessed by this. i am here. they've got their momma. this is the best that it gets, and i've got it. 

the day after my diagnosis i listened to this song over and over and over until my numbness ignited and turned to tears. i cried more the day after i was diagnosed than i ever have in my entire life. i wasn't sure if i was going to live through this. and i didn't know why this was happening to me. a year later i can see that God has used every single drop of this year to strengthen and mature me.  this year i figured out how to live. how i want my life defined when all my life is is a story to the next generation. i want to be known, not for what i posses, but for what i give away. i've learned that to "die is gain, and to live is Christ." i've freed up fear in my life, and discouragement, and doubt. not only am i alive. i've come alive. 

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