Thursday, June 2, 2011

An Update On Lars.

in the E.R.
our room at Arnold Palmer Children's Hospital.
getting blood.
this beautiful hospital was like disney world for children.
what a blessing.
finally feeling well enough to leave his room and play.
home from the hospital.

first i have to tell you all what a difference your prayers make. so thank you for talking to God on our account and lifting this little boy higher:) prayer does matter. 

lars was brought into the emergency room on monday after vomiting blood. tons and tons of blood. it looked like a crime scene. he was pale and listless and when the E.R. doctor saw him and checked him, they immediately gave him fluids via IV and while we were there he threw up blood again. this time enough to fill a coke can. they called the Arnold Palmer Children's Hospital, where they sent their own team of Gastroenterologist Pediatricians to come get him in the ambulance and take him to Orlando. when we got to Orlando they took him to the Special Care Unit. Lars' hemoglobin dropped so low the next day that my greatest fear was becoming a necessity to keep him alive. so i consented to a blood transfusion, and no doubt that it saved his life. that allowed them to later on that evening see what was causing the bleeding. it turned out that Lars has an ulcer. ulcer's in children, especially this young are almost never heard of. but it can, and does happen. they do not know why this happened to Lars. they are not sure at this point if he was born with an irregularity, or if his stomach produces too much acid, or what may have caused it. the only thing we can do now, is after repairing his stomach with medicine this time, is to carefully evaluate him for a while after this. Lars' pediatrician told me today that if i had been feeding him the Standard American Diet that that would have probably been the difference between him making it or not. lars will not only continue on a Vegan diet, but will also be gluten free, and bland.

Lars is the toughest boy i know. a piece of myself broke permanently while i watched him suffer. until this week i didn't know heart ache to be so heavy. i wanted to take it from him, i wanted it to be me.  sometimes, especially this past year my grief has been so heavy at times, i call out to God asking Him what He could be up too. in my limited mind i struggle to imagine that God's plans could actually be better than mine. sometimes, i think He should take my advice. but i have learned a few things. one of them would be that this year, God has not left me alone. He has allowed things to come into my life to transform me, to mature me, to shape me, mold me, and be more like Him. another thing i have learned is that when God decides to bother me, that that is not a bad thing. if God thinks highly enough of me to handle these situations, than i better make Him darn proud and do a great job at it. today my devotion was so clear. this is a piece of it. makes perfect sense. "We are always delighted when the Spirit of God drives us to the place where we achieve some victory, overcome some habit, take some needed step. And then we want to settle down there. We say to the Lord, You go on for awhile and leave me here. I want to enjoy this for a bit. But He will not let us stop. Life in the land is a life of continual progress, a never-ending journey."

so, this is part of my never ending journey. i do not fear, i lean on God. God is unshakable. i had my third test today to see if cancer is still out of my body. i have peace. i know that whatever is going to happen in my life, it's all to bring glory to God. and to that, i say- use me Lord. i'll keep trying to make you proud. and for now and always, i'm committed to taking care of these precious lives you have trusted me with. 

Lars- you are amazing. i have learned something from watching you these past few days. how could such a little soul leave me speechless? my love for you pours out of me and affects everything i say, think, and do. your life has transformed me. your birth alone was a miracle. the life you are living continues to be one. i am blessed to watch you grow and call you my own. i am honored, and humbled. i love you. 
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