Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Three Is A Fine Number.






three is an odd number. i still have to remind myself when i am shopping for something that four is not enough. i have to round up, times two. and still, that only sometimes covers it. i am not sure i would have ever tried for baby number three. but had that decision been left open for me, it would be impossible. so God knew i needed a third. i watch my life with three kids. i see how much they need each other. i see what Lars brings out in Gray, and i see what Dune brings out in Lars. and i see what Gray brings out in Dune. i see what they all bring out in me. i have really hard days balancing this life. i've been handed a lot at a young age. but i am proud to hold a title that earns me perspective daily. i am surviving a cancer diagnosis to support crying, adorable, stressful, peaceful children, and i am happy to be doing it. and that even in the hardest moments, (and there are so many it seems) God has trusted  me to be the best and most equip for these children. and even if i am not, He has trusted me enough to know i'll lean on Him to get me through it. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A Little Music...


Untitled from Allison Weeden on Vimeo.



for your tuesday afternoon:) 

Music by: Graycen Weeden, filmed by- her mom. 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Rain.





today it is raining. this day is reminding me to slow down. i have watched my kids light up to the sound of rain. i have watched them giggle when i let them outside to play in it. the over cast grey sky is reminding me that i am here. i am available to these children. i have an influence over them. and they have a great impact on me. i was watching the rain from the kitchen window earlier. i had the window open and was feeling the cool air and the smell of the dampness. i was taken back to this time last year. i was in a battle for my life. i was sick and pale, vomiting, and faint. i was home and it was raining. my mom and sister were there and so was jonathan. i was feeling like quitting the treatment. i wanted to give up. i was unavailable to my children. there was no mothering involved. i was just sort of there. but i remember that day that it was pouring. i got up. went out side. ran around in the pouring rain. graycen ran out after me. laughing and cheering. i was giddy with joy. i was being recharged. i felt like a mother in that moment. i felt like i was giving something to graycen by dancing in that rain. there was life in that rain and it was pouring down over me. 


today i stepped out into the rain. the kids were watching me. dune stuck a toe in a puddle. and lars ran right into it, splashing and getting soaked. and graycen stretched her hands up to the sky. the rain helps things grow. i see rain as an opportunity to gain something. i wonder if graycen will remember the way we grew together that day. and how i gained life. 


Psalm 147:8
"He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills." 










* the above pictures are of dune and lars having a good time. seriously, this is playing at it's best. they love it. they love each other. 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I Love This Town.

























i love it here. i love our town. i love this little city. i took the kids to have a picnic over looking the Hudson River yesterday. we picked up some vegan eats and laid under a tree eating, talking, and laughing. the kids took turns playing hide and seek and rolling down the big hill. i sit as still as i can in these moments trying to retain as much as i can. i am so grateful for this life. for this experience of raising these little people, to know them, to love them, to be called their mom. i am thankful that i am back in New York with them, and that everyday daddy walks through the door , after work, covered in dust and dirt, and the kids run as fast as they can to greet him. i am so glad i am here to see that. i am thankful for my life. i am thankful for it here. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

He Told Me He Loved Me.







and i heard it. the most sincere, unsolicited, true words i could ever hear. i was leaving the room and lars yelled out, "I love you!" so this makes one of the best days of my life. truly. 




Hebrews 12:1-3 (The Message)


"Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"




today adrenaline is shooting into my soul. 



Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Green.























everything is so green, and over grown, and bright right now. we are soaking it up. it's no secret that i love new york, but i think the little birds might love it more. we spend every waking minute outside, and at night we are all sleeping awesome because of it! 


dune and graycen have taken right back to this house. lars has not. he's been difficult and overly clingy to me. he does not like how big the house is and how he can not see me from room to room. if i run up the stairs for something he has to follow me, crying. if i get in the shower and pull the shower curtain across he is trying to open it, crying. if i am cooking in the kitchen and run to throw something outside in the compost pile, he is banging on the sliding glass doors, you got it, crying! but today we have had a major break through. i noticed how at peace he is today. he even went off to play by himself. and when we were all in the yard he actually separated himself from me to go play with dune and graycen. he is coming around, and i can see he will be himself in no time. 


over the weekend dune and lars turned 2! they are big boys now, but i think i will always see them more as my big babies. i love those two more than i could ever accurately write about. i also had a birthday. i turned 29! i am so happy to be a year older. i am so happy to just be getting older! when my life took a drastic turn and started being measured by statistics i learned that getting older is in fact something you should boast about proudly and not all this sillyness about not telling the truth about ones age. that's for the birds! so i am one year older and that makes me- ALIVE!
 
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