Monday, July 25, 2011


today it is raining. this day is reminding me to slow down. i have watched my kids light up to the sound of rain. i have watched them giggle when i let them outside to play in it. the over cast grey sky is reminding me that i am here. i am available to these children. i have an influence over them. and they have a great impact on me. i was watching the rain from the kitchen window earlier. i had the window open and was feeling the cool air and the smell of the dampness. i was taken back to this time last year. i was in a battle for my life. i was sick and pale, vomiting, and faint. i was home and it was raining. my mom and sister were there and so was jonathan. i was feeling like quitting the treatment. i wanted to give up. i was unavailable to my children. there was no mothering involved. i was just sort of there. but i remember that day that it was pouring. i got up. went out side. ran around in the pouring rain. graycen ran out after me. laughing and cheering. i was giddy with joy. i was being recharged. i felt like a mother in that moment. i felt like i was giving something to graycen by dancing in that rain. there was life in that rain and it was pouring down over me. 

today i stepped out into the rain. the kids were watching me. dune stuck a toe in a puddle. and lars ran right into it, splashing and getting soaked. and graycen stretched her hands up to the sky. the rain helps things grow. i see rain as an opportunity to gain something. i wonder if graycen will remember the way we grew together that day. and how i gained life. 

Psalm 147:8
"He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills." 

* the above pictures are of dune and lars having a good time. seriously, this is playing at it's best. they love it. they love each other. 
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