Thursday, January 12, 2012

My Body.

Dear Graycen, Dune, and Lars,

     this is what i write to you about my body, your characteristics, the similarities, the warning, and the surrender of sorts. at times you may hear me talk of something i don't like or wish i could change about myself. on any given day this can be a battle to get my eyes off of myself and get them focused on my calling for Christ, the calling of which i respond to let God move my ground. you might even hear words so meaningless as this, "i don't like my nose," "i have nothing to wear," "i wish i could lose weight." i want you to know for the record that these are all lies. this is not of God. for God made me in His image and the likely hood is that He has given and equipped me with everything i need to serve Him fully, including my body. these are lies i hear in my head that get in the way of that. God did something when i had you three. He put little pieces of myself inside of you. things i would recognize, things that would help bond us, things that would help mothering you seem more like a love story. Graycen, in you i see my eyes. sweet darling, when we look at each other, there are moments when i am at a loss for words, for looking at you is like looking at myself. you are my first, and there is no mistake in God's designing of your spirit. Dune, although you are a twin, you were the next of my babies that i met, and when i saw you i melted a thousand times. you have my nose, my child, and my chin, and smile. we are, i believe, versions of each other. Lars, you are indeed my baby who everyone says, "he looks just like his father." but when i have you all to myself, and no one else is around, i see me somewhere in there. mostly, our hearts are what makes mine skip a beat. we are kindred. we are both so exposed. 

my beautiful children, may you know now, that God is telling me something. to love ourselves is a crucial step in the surrendering to the will of God. i pray daily that you accept yourself as part of a step in God's perfect plan for humanity. My prayer for His calling in your life grows deeper daily, that you respond to Him before the lies of the world. that you know your honor and value comes from being made in His image and are bought by His blood. that you don't fall victim to that of what the world wants you to become, just buying into another lie of false self image. know that your daddy and i hold you with high esteem and feel great honor in watching you grow. and know that what's familiar to me about you, and one day you'll see is familiar to you about me,  are the things of that which God has placed in us, they are the divine and perfect. 

Psalm 139:13-16 (MSG)

  Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day.
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