Monday, March 26, 2012

The High Line.

If you make your way to New York, you must try to go to the High Line. It is such a great experience to see the city from this perspective. The High Line runs on the west side of lower Manhattan, so there is even a spot to see Lady Liberty. We got off at the end and walked to Pastis for a cup of coffee and then over to Chelsea Market for some green juice at One Lucky Duck, my favorite juice bar in Manhattan. Then we walked the High Line back to the start, hopped a cab over to the LWS and went to John's of 12th for the best vegan Italian food in the city. Then we strolled down St. Marks Street under the blossomed trees, reminiscing when we were crazy enough to have looked at a fifth floor walk up apt. on 2nd Ave when Graycen was a wee tiny babe, and our real estate agent showed us this unique space ( known as 450 sq. ft.) and told us that this little ledge (known as a loft) above the one burner stove (known as a kitchen) would make a great nursery (known as where our baby would sleep) for a steal of a price, (known as $3,000 a month). We stood together, him holding my hand, looking up at that apt. window and fire escape, the one i entertained the idea of sitting out on and maybe even potting a plant to put out there when our then baby girl was old enough to get her hands dirty and help mama, and we said in unison, "Um no" 
( i would also like to tell you that this was the one and only time we looked into something like this, but it was not. in fact we've looked at probably 2 dozen apt. like that over the previous 3 years before Dune and Lars were in the picture. imagine coming home to 400 sq. ft. with the news of ' honey, we're having twins!') ... and then made our way over to Lula's for some vegan soft serve. 

Ahhh, New York can make you fall in love all over again. And so can driving back to your house in the burbs, talking about every twist and turn along the way that landed us here.  And so we did. ;) 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Dirty Boys.

        For the last month or so, Dune and Lars have taken turns proudly wiping boogers on me everyday. They think it's funny to shout the word "poop" over and over and over again. And everywhere we've gone with people around, one of them has been sure to announced that they have a "PENIS"! this is life with two little boys (and their anatomy.) As it's getting increasingly harder to have twin boys this age, (hats off to moms of multiples everywhere!!!), I have to say how funny they are becoming too though. It's fascinating to watch the two of them. Listening to them talk to each other with such enthusiasm and big plans, brightens my life. Plus their love and frustration with each other, well, you just can't put a price on that:) 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


          Oh Spring, keep doing that thing your doing. We are loving it. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

Then And Now.






I can't stand it! These pictures are a little more than a year apart. I really have a hard time believing these two miracles will be three years old soon. And as i grow to learn more and more about my body at the time of my pregnancy with them (growing cancer and babies), I am coming to fully (not quite fully) understand just what a miracle they are. Graycen is turning 6 next month, and I've been getting terribly stricken with the feeling that time is doing a funny thing, speeding up, compressing, squeezing it's digits around my kids, making them grow faster than I want to admit to. I'm so glad I've kept this blog, so glad I've been writing it all down. The validation that it has and is, all happening. Grow my little birds, Mama keeps a safe nest for you to learn to fly. Be patient though. The world wants to hurry you up. Please be more inclined to keep my pace. What's the hurry? 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


it's good, all these dirty hands, and grass stained jeans, the clothes hanging on the line to dry, gearing ourselves up for good fruit to be in season. fairy gardens, and fizzy drinks. cleaning flower boxes, and turning soil. raking till my hands cramp, cooking dinner with the cool breeze coming in through the window. piles of clothes pins, and kid art inspired by the coming green. my heart is quiet and still among the madness of highly wired two year old boys finding their way through the dirt and tempers. my five year old's attitude, that if she could just find the words, she'd say that she's about to turn 6, and she is changing. my tired husband walking through the door after really long days of hard, hard work. I do what i know, i make dinner and offer them Jesus. I am quiet and still, and searching and learning, growing deeper, going further, not forgetting this season of Lent and the price that was paid so that i could define true love. the warmth brings up all sorts of new things. the trees are budding, and so is this family. and here is hoping for blossoms.  

Monday, March 5, 2012

Where We Offer Grace, Over And Over Again.

In the dark last night I heard him say, "I can't sleep." I reached for my phone to check the time and it was 1:40 in the morning. I was wrestling with sleep too and he sensed it as my body had been tossing and turning for what seemed like all night. He said he couldn't stop thinking. I told him I use to have this problem for years in my early 20's. I would be up all night just trying to rearrange the thoughts in my head nice enough until I was comfortable with the version of my life that would allow me to get some sleep that night. I told him, sometimes, that still happens. I also told him, it changes nothing. Then we started talking about our faith. I told him that when I was diagnosed with cancer it forced me to live and for me, what came after the possibility of death, was my faith. That whatever and how ever I worked, somehow, it fit into God's great plans. I also said that we have to trust that. Then I felt him take my hand. We turned our bodies toward each other, there in our bed, in the dark, in the night, and he began to pray. Our faces were so close, I could feel his middle of the night breath all over my face as he said words like, "children, finances, peace, work, school, health, wife, sister, brothers, family, Haiti, tornado, victims, church..." It went on. And then he said to God, "I had it all wrong, and You clothed me." He was holding my hand so tight at that point I could feel the pulse, the blood pumping in our grip of one another, our oneness and our cry out to God. We need Him. Jonathan and I need Him. We are two people filled with holes, and we need the Great Carpenter to help patch them up. We need Him. We are two people that get it wrong, that struggle with pain, and addictions, and sin. We need grace replenished, and we need forgiveness over and over and over again. We need to know that He loves us so much that we cause Him to suffer on the cross everyday, and He still choses us. This is real marriage. It's the grip and hold in the middle of the night when we want to consider , "what about the option of living in fear?" It's the direction we can offer each other when we get led astray. It's the standing in front of each other and knowing that it's going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it. It's saying that we know we are here for our children, but we are also here for each other. Oh my, that feels good. It's saying, I know your sin, and you know mine. And I love you. And through Him, let's give each other grace, over and over and over and over and over again. Let's let our words have life and let's do our best to give them a good one.  
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