Monday, April 30, 2012

Graycen Turns 6!

last week my mom and sister came to celebrate Graycen's birthday with us. and just like that lars got strep throat, dune had allergic reactions to everything and was on benedryl for what seemed like the whole time, and then i caught it and went on an antibiotic. whew. but like anyone, we just pulled up our sleeves and rolled with it. with some tweaking we still had such a great time. maybe the best ever. first we canceled gray's birthday party that was planned for saturday, and instead invited over our families to have pizza and the best vegan cupcakes and she opened lots of presents and the girl certainly felt loved. and then i rested as much as i could on friday during the day and my mom and sister and i met our friends ava and tali at the american girl cafe in manhattan that night. i am so happy i was feeling better by then to have the energy to go... thank you z-pack. we spent the last two days they were here finding any excuse to toast to gray and her awesomeness. sure do love that little girl. happy six birthday graycen! (we miss you already GG and Aunt Dani!)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Birthday C.D.

I've been working on a c.d. that I am making and giving Graycen for her birthday. On it, I've included most of her favorites and then some songs that I love that remind me of her and how thankful I am to God for letting me be her mom. Below is Graycen's favorite singer, Kari Jobe. While making this c.d. for Gray, I've pretty much had this song on repeat. I hope you'll enjoy it and draw strength from the One who created you and dances over you:)

Friday, April 20, 2012

Compassion International.

Here is a link to our personal story for Compassion International. Feel free to spread it around and encourage others to get involved. Start today. You can change a life forever!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Recent iPhone Pictures.

1. midtown manhattan at rush hour. /2. Graycen dancing to the beat of her own drum in the East Village. /3. date night upstate in Woodstock at the Garden Cafe. /4. summer temperatures. /5. After church naps in the car. /6. Lars having fun spraying himself in the face over and over again. /7. Feeling like this is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life.  /8. Dune and Lars putting all their stuffed animals to sleep on the stairs and then faking it themselves. 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Letter To My Almost 6 Year Old.

Dear Graycen,
    I remember being 12 years old when I started to blow dry my hair. By that age I had taken notice that all the pretty girls had perfect hair, and I wanted to have perfect hair too. I wanted to be a pretty girl. I was blow drying my hair one day and I looked down and it occurred to me that my legs looked a little too big. It was perhaps that day that I started to compare myself to other girls. In high school I was made fun of for so, so many things. Oh my love, high school can be such hard years. Here comes this dark haired, Italian, New York girl moving to sunny Florida with her now single mother.  Where blond haired, thin, tall girls were the norm, and well, I was just a broken hearted thing, suffering the damage of the divorce of my parents. It was then that I started to believe the lies. I needed to be taller. How do I get taller? I wanted to be thinner, and I guess I'll start dying my hair, and if only i could make that bump on my nose go away. Those thoughts grew with me. When i was old enough to start dating, boys were liking me for all the wrong reasons. I didn't quite know who I was, so what I offered was a watered down, broken version of myself that I was trying to alter along the way with box hair dye and endless amounts of trips to Walgreens for any makeup that I thought would do the trick. I went off to college and it got worse. I smoked loads of cigarettes and drank lots of alcohol and quoted lots of books, because my love, I was a confused, hurting young woman , lacking real truth in my life. I met your dad. We got married. We had a baby. You. You were perfect and beautiful, but I gained a lot of weight. I kept that weight on for four years. Darlin' don't let anyone tell you, 9 months on, 9 months off. I carried around extra baggage and tossed it about in my relationship with your dad, and he tossed it right back. I was loaded down. Then after the birth of your brothers, my body went and did the worst thing possible. It went and proved to me and the world what I had known all along. That it wasn't working. It went and made cancer. That was it. I was as damaged as damaged gets. And then something happened. I was beautifully broken. I was low as low could be. But I was being made new. I was being restored. See, yesterday we were in the car and Dune said his boo boo was better and I said that Jesus healed him and you said, "But He is always doing the repairing." My love, you understand what took me my whole life to understand and accept... we are a work in progress. 

At night, I cry and pray to God that you see what I have only now come to understand as truth in my life. That I am His daughter. I am made beautiful in Him. And you. You Graycen, are everything good. And you my love, you are made perfect in Christ and Christ alone. The world's idea has and always will be to alter, butcher, chop, purge, dye, fix, cover up, change, change, change. But the voice of truth, the voice of truth Graycen, tells you that you are perfect in Him. My daughter, you are everything good. I pray you know this truth. I see this picture in my head, you're a young lady, and you are comforting a friend, and you tell them something they may have never heard before, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." 

You my almost 6 year old incredibly independent light in this world, you are wonderfully made. And that's the truth. 

Monday, April 9, 2012


Easter felt like promises kept and hope come alive. Exactly. 

Yesterday our best friends came over for Easter brunch along with my dad, and then later my in laws stopped by. It was such a beautiful day. 

I made a basil peach pie, chive biscuits, roasted carrots and asparagus, white bean and scallion salad, oranges simmered in honey and lemon water, red skinned mashed potatoes, pineapple guacamole, and tangerine and mint spritzers. I ate three pieces of pie, but I'm just going to pretend it was more like one very large piece;) Uh, right. 

After lunch we let the kids go outside and collect eggs. It was magical. And I'm going to keep this day as close to my heart as I can, and feel the intense and comforting love of a Father who gave His only Son, that I would have everlasting life. Awestruck. Joy overcome. 

Friday, April 6, 2012

Murdered Son

So today, where my soul and mouth can not find the words. 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

I Am Judas' Kiss.

"I am the thorn in Your crown but You love me anyway.
I am the sweat from Your brow but You love me anyway.
I am the nail in Your wrist but You love me anyway.
I am Judas' kiss but You love me anyway.

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd for Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground. Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face with this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace. And then alone in the night, I still called out for You, so ashamed of my life. But You love me anyway." 

Monday, April 2, 2012

Easter Eggs, Palm Sunday, And April Fools.

We dyed lots of eggs this weekend. They all came out beautiful. We went to church yesterday and celebrated Palm Sunday. On the way out I accidently said "Happy Easter" to the pastor, but then totally passed it off as an April Fools joke. Totally embarrassing. Completely hilarious. 

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