Thursday, September 27, 2012

An Emotional Baby. .

so much of my christian faith has been increased after a major blow. i have found my most intimate and exposed conversations with Christ have come at a time where i am naked and raw, when i start seeing myself as what i really am, a sinner in need of my Savior. i have probably exercised my right to my faith more in being a wife and mother than any other call in my life. the fragility of the right choice, the slight separations between right and wrong, the calls i make effect the family around me, and that great need of Jesus' still small voice to guide me. it was ever so more after being diagnosed with cancer two years ago. i held my babies with bruised arms eaten up by the chemotherapy that was then owning my body. my ship had sailed. and i was going alone. for where was this God i had fallen in love with as a little girl but failed to see His hand at work in my life as an adult? that diagnosis sent me out to sea. my mind it wondered. my faith it collapsed. and i shattered in the great depths of a suffocating sadness. 

here i am two years later. in the past two years i have learned a great deal about what the bible says about my life. about sadness. about hurt, hunger, pain, fear. and getting to a place where i accept that things are wrong until Jesus comes back to set it right. i have since set sail back to my first love. i have since come back born again as not only a believer of Jesus Christ but as a follower. i have since come back to lay in the arms of a God who created this passionate love between us, a God who is love. 

i heard this song a few months after i had packed up myself and my kids and moved down to Florida. if i can remember correctly i was sitting in my room, after downloading this song, on my bed, and began to weep like the tiniest people in the house. i was no bigger emotionally, than a baby. yet, there God was. when i realized that God doesn't need pretty, or well done, or good deeds, or church membership. when i realized that He actually saw me broken, alone, crumbled, and tired, that He finally had gotten my attention, and that He was there all along, i woke up to hear Him say, "now. now get to know the real Me. so you can know what that says about you. and you can finally begin to show people what it says about them." God loves you. sail home. 

Monday, September 24, 2012

The Last Weeks Of Summer...

i love fall. i really love fall. but i love all the seasons. i guess that's why the north east happens to fit me best. i need the red maples at halloween, and snow on valentine's day, and robin's eggs in spring, and the green of summer. so saying good bye to the greenest greens and making way for yellow, orange, and red, we prepared and spent the last weeks of summer making them the best we knew how. 

got our little homeschooling room ready
canned lots of tomatoes from great grandpa's garden
cut the last of great grandma's hydrangea 
baked tons of banana bread
hung our tree swing
sharpened many bouquets of pencils
hung all of graycen's school uniforms
and over all hurried to get the house ready for colder temperatures and changing winds (remember how old this house is? yea, so there's all those drafts we weren't dealing with for a few months) 

but here we are! and it's fall! and it's lovely, and perfect, and warm in the sun, but cool in the shade, where a fire in the fireplace at night is an absolute must, and anything that comes out of the crockpot we declare is the "most amazing, best thing ever, need to make this again" meal we've ever had:) 

happy fall!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Montgomery Day.

this past saturday we drove to the town of montgomery, ny to watch the kids great grandfather be honored as the grand marshall of the montgomery day parade. we felt so proud of "grandpa" as he rode down the street. we know about his life and legacy, and it was wonderful for everyone to learn of and respect and celebrate him for it. what a great man he is. we love you grandpa!

the kids collected about 10 lbs of candy a piece and it is quite possible that they may have developed a cavity or three, while chewing on every piece of sugary treat that was thrown in their direction during the duration of the parade. i brought a bag of green apples and insisted they each eat one to cancel out the effects... a clever mom idea. (didn't work)

we had fun and drove home right before a great dark sky rolled in. thankfully it didn't rain during the parade, but we got a massive storm later on in the day which forced a wave of cool air in. we opened windows and began to enjoy what feels like the beginning of another season changing. fall, we know you are coming. and fall in the hudson valley is magical. 

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